After I had my third baby, I lost all the baby weight almost immediately. But then I added more anti-depressants to my daily cocktail and gained 57 pounds in three months. I am officially obese and it doesn’t matter what I do I cannot lose the weight.
It was with the same purposeful intention that someone gains chiseled abs that I gained my second chin. I not only had to commit to taking my meds everyday but I did so knowing that I was packing on the pounds, despite my best efforts.
Now that my dress size has increased six to eight sizes in less than six months, I think to myself maybe curvy is better. Yes, it is harder to find trendy outfits that fit my new figure, short and stumpy but I have never been very trendy anyway.
Stepping on to the scale is like spinning the Wheel of Fortune….how much weight have I gained since my last doctor’s appointment. Score, I am still under 200 pounds. Maybe I should celebrate with a milkshake, I joke to myself.
I am trying so hard to come to grips with new body. I make sure never to put it down in front of my daughters because I don’t want them to develop negative body image issues and to know that women come in all shapes and sizes and that there is no right body type.
But to be honest as I much as I try to keep a positive spin on my weight gain, when I look at pictures of myself, I am so sad and disgusted with myself. I yearn for my old body, the one that could easily fit into a size 8 and was able to be active without getting immediately tired and sore.
The recent addition of a broken ankle and cast have reinforced to me on daily basis that I am heavier than I have ever been in my life. The knee of my good leg hurts so bad I can hardly stand…I am guessing it is from the strain of not only doing all the work but of carrying around so much extra weight.
Despite knowing that I am doing everything I can to control my weight gain it is still hard to accept my new body. I did some Internet searching and learned that a percentage of people are unable to lose the weight they gained even after going off anti-depressants. And let’s be real, I am a long way from being able to go off meds. So I am left wondering is this new my body the one I will have for the rest of my life? And if so, will I ever be able to look in the mirror and not feel disgusted?